I often ask my coaching clients to describe their relationship to their chronic pain. What they say are things like :
- what relationship, I just want it to stop
- are you kidding, I hate this pain
- I am sick and tired of it
- I can’t stand it another minute
While all perfectly understandable responses, they highlight an important piece of the healing pain mystery; you can’t facilitate healing without finding acceptance of your situation. Acceptance begins with recognizing you are in a relationship with your pain right now. What kind of relationship is up to you.
Is it loving and supportive? Is it negative or hateful? Think about what kind of relationship you ideally desire and take steps to move towards it.
For instance, what if you considered pain as a messenger? What are you learning from it? Anger, sadness, resentment, fear, patience, tolerance, kindness or peace? All are valid emotional responses to an event that is out of your control.
What is pain showing you about yourself? You might withdraw from the world around you to hide your distress. You might recognize you are stronger and more resilient than you ever knew possible. Perhaps you notice you continue to be kind and supportive to others despite your suffering. Maybe even more supportive of others than yourself.
The way you manage this relationship will define your struggle.
For now, try this experiment. Notice what you are telling yourself when you are in pain. Are there any thoughts of blame, anger, sadness or despair? Are you criticizing your body or believing you should feel differently? There is a dialogue going on there and believe me, you want to hear it. Pay attention to your themes and any pattern that emerges. Be willing to make the first move towards healing this relationship with your pain. Noticing this particular monologue will open the door to your journey of deep healing.
Please know I am here to help if you want support.